Let Go, My Soul

What does it mean to be comfortable?  At first look, it seems that being comfortable involves being safe, fed, clothed, and having our basic needs met.  For most Americans, it also means some “first world comforts” like a nice home, a car, hot water, access to the internet, etc.  But seeking comfort is not always a good thing.  Sometimes we live in dysfunction for so long that we are actually uncomfortable with things that are healthy and good for us.

The reason I’m thinking about this is because I got word today that 6 of the boys we just rescued from the streets and brought to shelter ran away and went back to live on the streets.  I knew this was likely.  The staff warned me that it happens every year.  One boy even ran away while I was still there.  But it is still a lot to process.  How could these kids want to go back to the horrific life they left behind?  Truly, some of the things I saw and heard were so appalling that I will never share them on here or anywhere.  How could they leave the safety of the shelter, where they have 3 hot meals a day, a shower, a warm bed, clothing, and the ability to sleep at night free from the threat of harm and even death, to return to the uncertainty of the street, where they were constantly in danger and never even knew where their next meal would come from?

These are just little boys.  They shouldn’t be fending for themselves and fighting to survive at this age.  One of the things I loved the most about being with them was that despite everything they had been through, they were just normal boys.  They loved to play games and dance and color and watch cartoons.  One of them, Sammy (the one with the killer smile in the picture above), begged me for Tom & Jerry DVDs every day – I tried to find them in Naivasha one day while I was in town, but they didn’t have any, so I promised him I would purchase some when I got back to the states and send them to him.  He’s checked in with me numerous times since I’ve been back to make sure I didn’t forget.  I didn’t – the DVDs arrived yesterday and they are laying on my desk at home right now waiting to be sent.  But he won’t be there to watch them.

I think what makes me the most sad is this idea of comfort.  These precious boys are so used to life on the streets, even though that is a life that is full of abuse and being treated like they are worthless.  They are actually more uncomfortable in a place where they are loved and cared for and actually expected to be good boys and ultimately good men.  That feels so foreign to them that they had to run.  It’s hard to understand and it’s even harder to think about the fact that right now these sweet boys who I love dearly are sleeping (or more likely, not sleeping) on the ground, so vulnerable and unprotected.

I was a social worker for 7 years so I’m no stranger to the emotional cost of loving and serving certain populations, and I am big believer that none of us can change until we are ready.  Dr. Henry Cloud, who is one of my favorite authors (seriously, his book Boundaries changed my life) says it like this:

“We change our behavior when the pain of staying the same becomes greater than the pain of changing.”

I know that I can’t, and no one can truly “rescue” these kids besides the Lord.  But it doesn’t seem so simple when it feels like life and death are at stake and it doesn’t make it any easier today.

The picture below on the left is one the staff sent to me last week.  The boys are all crowded around the computer watching a video I sent them and they sent me a pretty adorable follow-up video.  The one smiling in the middle is Meshack, one of my best buddies and one of the boys who left.  I can’t stop thinking about what (and how) he’s doing right now.

This post is not meant to be discouraging.  I’m really just processing my feelings as I write so I hope you’ll bear with me.  This type of work is a process and it’s not for the faint of heart.  Addicts relapse.  We all, like the scripture says, return to our vomit like dogs.  Sometimes it takes multiple stints at the shelter for these boys to realize that the change is worth the work that it requires.  In speaking with the shelter staff, they are pretty confident that many of these boys will return to the shelter in the coming weeks.  My prayer for these 6, and for all of these kids, is that they will know that they are worth more than they could ever comprehend, that they are made in the image of a good Father who values them as a pearl of great price.  That they would never be comfortable with a life that does not recognize that value.

This feels like as good a time as any to talk about the amazing work that the staff of Naivasha Children’s Shelter is doing.  The men in this picture – Daniel, Paul, Isaiah, Peter, Francis, Moses, and Benard – have become some of my closest friends and they are 7 of the hardest working, integrity-filled men I’ve ever met.  They are amazing role models for the boys at the shelter and if I am heartbroken right now (and believe me, I am), they are 100 times more so.  They have poured their entire life into serving these boys and helping them see how loved and special they are, and it is devastating when things like this happen.  Yet they will persist.  They will continue to go to the darkest corners of the streets to find and encourage these boys and remind them there is a better way.  To show them that no matter how far they run, they are loved and wanted and they can always come home.  They will not give up on them.

Would you consider supporting this sometimes rocky road to rehabilitation?  It’s messy and there isn’t always a clear road map, but it is such important work.  Did you know that it is just $100/month to cover every single expense for a boy at the shelter?  There are lots of other options for donations and full/partial sponsorships on their website, and I would love to tell you all about the boys who are available to be sponsored (I likely even have videos of them doing something silly on my phone, haha).

In the meantime, please keep these 6 boys in your thoughts and prayers tonight, as well as the countless boys and girls on the street all over the world.